Desktop Wallpaper

Don’t you want to make this your desktop wallpaper? Because that’s immediately what I thought when I saw it…I’m completely serious.

Wallpaper

Each time you close down your windows your like “Ah! WTF?” I added the friendly little captions to make it even more delightful…

January Jam

In my recap of the first month of the new year, I can easily say that this month has been tiring. Not sure if I can blame it on the winter blues, stress, or just mental/physical exhaustion.  I’m pooped and here’s why:

1. Cletus – Dealing with my neuroticness isn’t an easy task and she’s dealt with it more than usual this month. She has listened to me complain (daily) about traffic, helped me organize our father’s 60th birthday party, supported me with my failed athletic excursions and laughed about my misophonia – related issues. I don’t know what I would do without her. She has a full plate of stress and I wish things would just get easier for her and her family.

2. DireMole – Has been forming new habits with me…reading in bed! Well, to be honest we only read when we can manage to stay awake past 9:15pm. Some nights we are both so tired we just go right to sleep. Dire is also the official ball-chucker at the dog park. When he can’t make it, because he’s teaching, I try to entertain the crazies. They all look at me like I’m pathetic after they run to the other end of the field, only to look back and see that the ball made it half way to the expected landing spot. The best days at the dog park is when Dire is there.

3. LevelUp – Dart Date Night has been a weekly occurring event for us. Our board has gotten more use and our wall has gotten more holes (due to me). Fitz has won every game so far and I don’t mind because it’s been fun. And we have learned that it annoys our creepy neighbor when I miss the board and hit the wall. WIN/WIN

4. PirateGoat – Is a super bum and appears to be the most tired creature in our house. Her new trick is to not get out of bed in the morning. Dire and I actually make the bed with her in it. I think she prefers it that way.

5. SillyGoose – I started half-marathon training this month. That means I get one less day to sleep in and more activities being calculated on my Jawbone. Also, I caved in and purchased my first pair of running tights. I kinda feel like a sell out because I look like all the other yuppies, but they are amazing on those cold winter days. Also, I have managed to mangle my feet on my “long runs”. Now I’m sporting a black nail and a blistered foot. It’s fairly uncomfortable and not well-deserved. Honestly, I struggle to stay motivated to run because it feels like I’m not improving. I’m moving but things aren’t operating at a point that I’m satisfied. Finally, I have realized this month that I’m compulsive… I have put a word on my “personal characteristics” list and I don’t fully know what it means (if its good or bad). I believe it’s something that I should work on…

Will someone please explain to me the purpose of padded sports bras?

This weekend I was in the market for restocking my sports bra supply. I’ve been running in a sports bra that I’ve had since college. Truly, it’s a sad state of affairs.

To clean up my act, I decided to go to TJ-Max (and similar stores) to hit up their reduced-priced running gear. To my surprise, all the women’s active gear was on the first few racks when you walked into the store. Guess it’s that time of year…

So here I am with  2 full racks of bras thinking I had hit the jackpot… Except I only found 3 styles that did not include padding in them. What happened to the practicality of sports bras? Are all sports bras neon colored and equipped to hold padding?  My immediate reaction is that some womanizer came up with the design, or this is a new yoga trend… Seriously, how many women want to workout with extra padding? I’m still rolling my eyes.

I decided to crowd source my friends on this stupid trend via social media.Will someone please explain to me the purpose of padded sports bras?? Here’s what they said:

  •  …to make boobs look bigger and compress them to be smaller at the same time? Hmm. (first response, male)
  • To reduce how shall I say……….high beams? (female)
  • For protection if you run into something or fall on concrete? (female)
  • Sweat absorption? (female)

I guess I crawled out from under a rock… but to me this is a really unpractical fashion trend and I hope it goes away soon.

Dart Date Night

DireMole and I have added another resolution to the start of our year… Dart Date Night! Dire came up with the idea the other week when he kicked my ass (faster than usual) over a game of darts and beers.

Over a year ago when we lived separately, we used to play regularly at a bar across the street from my condo. Most of the time when Fitz came to visit we ended up at that bar for dinner and drinks. I had never played darts before, so he taught me and we had a lot of fun. I ‘m completely unpredictable. When I try for a target,  I typically miss the board. When I don’t try, I hit a bullseye. The more drinks I have, I hit my peak… but there’s a magic number of beers that I just get sloppy. Dire has always been patient with me or maybe he’s humored by my “skills”. Either way, it’s a fun hobby that we used to do.

When I moved in with him, we realized that our favorite dart-bar wasn’t as accessible. So we purchased a dart board, a set of darts, and a protective border for the wall (due to my high miss rate) for our condo. It looks official. But now we hardly ever play.

So to reinstate our hobby and improve our skills,  we plan on having a Dart Date Night once a week. Maybe go pro one day in a team league??? Of course our team name will be Champions of the Human Race. Tonight will be our first Dart Date Night and I’m looking forward to being schooled.

 

Resolution…Countdown to 66 days.

It’s that time of the year that people announce their New Year resolutions. Typically, I don’t make New Year resolutions. But this year it’s different. During a random conversation over our holiday break, Fitz and I decided that we would like to read more. This may be because he got an interesting book for a Christmas gift. He can’t help but read a few pages when he has a moment. I kinda felt left out.  Randomly, I stumbled into a bookstore and became captivated with all the options. I walked out with two new books in hand. Also, it was really refreshing to walk around a bookstore that was packed with customers. Anyway, Fitz and I discussed how we no-longer want to watch TV in bed before we fall asleep because we both find it pointless. So to get back into reading, we are swapping out TV time for reading time. It’s simple and it could be a really easy habit to form.

Researchers say it takes approximately 66 days to form a habit, which is contrary to the popular belief that habits only take 21 days. So there seems to be a disparity in committing to new positive habits over a specific time span…I’m hopeful that we will support each other abstaining from TV in bed. Also, I think a good book will support our resolution. So far so good, we are 2 nights in to our 66 days and I’m really enjoying my new book, A Good Scent from a Strange Mountain.

Did you make a resolution this year? If so, what is it? Can you commit for 66 days?

I Feel Like Dancing

Don’t ask me why, but recently I feel like dancing. Specifically to hip hop.

I want to be like the little girl in Missy Elliott's videos.

I want to be like the little girl in Missy Elliott’s videos.

Sometimes I just want to bust a move at my cube. Which I think would be entertaining for everyone. An almost 6 ft tall, white girl in boring office clothes breaking it down while silently jamming out to a secret song. Then resuming back to business-as-usual.

So anyway, I have searched around the city for hip hop classes that are ideal for that someone who has the coordination of a baby giraffe. I think it would be an interesting hobby to have and a nice addition to cross-training options.

P.S. I created that image to give you a visual of me in my hip hop attire.

Christmas Gift Inspiration

Today I was inspired by a DIY gift idea that I can give my coworkers. It seems like every other day we have another social event… holiday potluck, ugly sweater lunch party, secret Santa week, company Christmas party, holiday happy hour, and so forth. I just hope I can show a sliver of appreciation for all the non-stop bullshit I’ve had to avoid.

So to show my appreciation, I plan on wrapping up gently used food items to share with the bozos at work. Since DireMole and I are going out-of-town for an extended holiday break and I don’t want our food to go to waste, this is the perfect solution!

And of course I expect a similar reaction from my colleagues as the kids in this video. They seem to have similar mentalities and maturity-levels.

Here you go Anna, you can have my half eaten tomato salsa. And for you Tony, you get this tortilla that I found in the back of my fridge! Craig gets the egg! Better put that puppy in the fridge unless you want it to go bad. Of course I would wrap the gifts in festive paper or gift bags to put forth that extra effort. You’re so very welcome! …and Happy Holidays!

 

 

Could I be a Hipster?

I find myself wondering if I’m a hipster. Typically something at work triggers my questioning of hipster-ism. And then yesterday, Pandora asked me if I wanted to listen to Hipster Holiday Radio. Apparently my music preferences align with hipster according to Pandora’s algorithm. So I decided to see what hipsters are all about before I could self-identify.IMG_3515After reading Wikipedia’s and Urban Dictionary’s definition of a hipster, I realize I fit the description. According to Wikipedia:

The hipster subculture typically consists of white millennials living in urban areas.[1][2] The subculture has been described as a “mutating, trans-Atlantic melting pot of styles, tastes and behavior”[3] and is broadly associated with indie and alternative music, a varied non-mainstream fashion sensibility (including vintage and thrift store-bought clothes), generally progressive political views, organic and artisanal foods, and alternative lifestyles.[4][5][6] Hipsters are typically described as affluent or middle class young Bohemians who reside in gentrifying neighborhoods.[7][8]

But to be a true hipster I can NEVER call myself one. Touche.  Also, I don’t want to suggest that Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary are primary resources. I’m just specifically mentioning them as two of the sources I reviewed.

So the reason I am posting about hipsters is because there is a low-level form of bullying at work that I endure on a weekly basis. It has caused me to feel like I don’t fit, I don’t belong, and that I’m not equal. Am I back in high school? Possibly. Does it feel comforting that I fit into a subculture. Yes. Is it ok to be different? Absolutely. Sometimes I just need to remind myself of my self-worth, values, and weirdo-ness. It’s not me… It’s you.

The Other 19%

Yesterday I joined the 19% club by accidentally dropping my phone into the toilet. Good news, it was clean water. Bad news, my phone has no sign of life.

Like everyone else in the club, I ran to the internet seeking advice, remedies, and consolation. I learned that all smartphones have water sensor tabs so the manufacturer can ensure that you aren’t lying to them about your phone “just won’t turn on, I don’t know what happened…”– scenario. My water sensor was red and there was no hiding that my phone has water damage. I contemplated grabbing a flashlight, a magnifying glass, and some whiteout… and doing some Etsy-style craftiness to my phone’s interior. But then I felt like a cheater.

So, I talked to my local IT guy and asked him if he had a mini Philip screw driver so I could begin an emergency surgery procedure. Of course he didn’t. And he thought I was completely nuts for thinking that this request was reasonable.  Whatever. It was worth a try.

In a panic I left work and drove to the nearest store to buy a bag of rice and a box of plastic bags. A completely normal shopping list. In the future if I spot someone with a similar basket, I would know what’s what. And possibly tell them there is hope for a desirable outcome.

As soon as I left the store and got to my car, I performed the voodoo ritual of adding my phone to a bag of rice. According to the internet, every second counts in hopes that a phone would spring back to life after a swim. I prayed to the electronic-gods that my phone would pull through its coma over the next 24 (critical) hours.

I arrived back at my desk  and placed my comatose phone next to me. That way I could continue monitoring its condition under layers of rice. I felt relieved, unburdened, hopeful, and impatient. But then I became uber productive. And attentive. And almost sociable.

As 4pm rolled around, I was hopeful that traffic wouldn’t suck on my commute home. If it did, what would I do for an hour as I sat on the road with all the other rats? Ugh. The anxieties of not having phone stimulation perplexed me. This could be a creative or really boring commute. And what if Fitz was trying to call me to tell me he would be home late? How would I know if I should walk the PirateGoat without him? I was pensive and liberated. It was kinda nice not having a phone and feeling no responsibility to answer a call, text, or comment.

Dropping my phone in the toilet  gave me a 48hr vacation of distant communication. This is a good thing, I thought to myself…

Luckily everything went well. Traffic didn’t blow, Fitz got home early and I had one of the best times at the dog park in weeks. I wasn’t focused on counting my steps and calories. Instead, I ran, laughed and talked (mostly with other humans). It was pleasant.

Throughout the evening I kept walking over to see if my phone had a pulse. Iit was kinda nice, in a bittersweet way, when it didn’t respond. I contemplated when the next time would be that I wouldn’t want or need my phone…maybe when I’m on a tropical vacation? But then I worried about the cost of having to repair or replace my water-logged phone right before the holidays. Ugh, the agony!

So there it is. I’m annoyed with myself for being so clumsy and inducing  unnecessary stress. But in the silver-lining, I’m enjoying the vacation and realizing by dependency. I wouldn’t want do it accidentally again… but I’m secretly looking forward to the next time I can voluntarily put my phone away and patiently await the next time to use it.