Floaters

I was in a state of turmoil by 3 signs that were daunting my activities.  The only conclusion I have made is that satire can be motivational.  So, what was the revelation for this week’s post? Special snowflakes that need these particular signs to survive.

The other day I was stopped by this inspirational posterindex. It’s kinda catchy… a big goldfish, sparkles, and a tantalizing water-filled oasis.  At first glance, I was uninspired and thought that it was a sad attempt to motivate me. Then after consideration, I realized may not have been the prime audience for this magnificent piece. I tried to determine what type of person looks at this poster, relates to the flying fish, and then marches off ready to seize the day. Truthfully, I’m more inspired by Mishka. Every time I watch Mishka’s break-through video I’m motivated to drop what I’m doing to train the PirateGoat. Why can’t there be more Mishka inspirational posters? Anyway, back to the flying fish…. the more I studied this rare specimen,  the more I realized that this poster was a satire. The flying fish is suicidal. He has leapt out of the water and is on a one-way train to a slow and miserable death. How is he a winner? To make matter’s worse, this poster was proudly posted outside the HR office. This satire became much more real. Well- played, inspirational-poster, well-played.

You would think I was skipping back to my desk after that little number. However, I had the urge to pee. Maybe it was induced from staring into the fish bowl? Doesn’t really matter… when I visited by my own fish bowl at my favorite office-bathroom stall, I got trapped in with this little beauty.20140624_085026

CRAP! When did HR  get an increase in their motivational-poster budget? Has HR identified that there is a serious poop problem? Which is going to kill me first, a co-worker who uses poop paperclips or working myself into despair and jumping off the building?  Hopefully, this bathroom decor has served its purpose to the swamp-creature colleague who isn’t fooling anyone by running water through their fingers . Use the damn soap!!! That flying goldfish poster is beginning to look better and better. We need to move the ‘winner” fish poster to a more prominent location in the office, like the front door, to distract us with a glimmer of hope from the viral poop invasion that may be organizing an attack in the next 24 hours.

While trying to avoid my worries of work-related fatalities (I was relieved that feces was not on OSHA’s Top 10 of 2012 violated standards. However, “Fall Protection” was ranked 1st so I’m going to look into that further. ) no-long-breath-holding-sign-k-9904 I decided to relax by a pool and catch up on some summer reading. I looked up from my book and felt reassured that I truly was a Champion of the Human Race. The homeowner’s association must have had funds left over from last year and felt that this sign was a necessity. “No Long Breath Holding”… do we seriously need a reminder for that? Honestly, if you are dumb enough to hold your breath underwater for an extended period of time that you begin to cause harm, then you are obviously a “winner who exceeded expectations” and we should replace that flying goldfish with your beaming smile of accomplishment.

I sincerely want to thank the 3 signs that have made my day complete. In your weird and twisted-way, you have motivated me to not work myself to death and jump from the office building, to wash my hands to avoid the poop invasion, and that I am not capable of being a fish for the long-term. I still haven’t determined the intended audience for these signs, but they must be some really special snowflakes.

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