My Dog is a Pirate

Have you ever attended a leadership workshop led by a group of Somalian pirates? Honestly, I didn’t even know pirates had a workforce and leadership development initiative.  So there you go… you learn something new everyday. Ok, here’s another one… maybe, you have a pet or know of a pet who has converted to Judaism? This is also a “thing”. Recently, I watched a movie about a cat who was considering Judaism and my friend proudly owns a book on How to Raise a Jewish Dog even though she’s a Catholic. She’s just being considerate and supportive to her dog’s needs.

20140702-081844-29924474.jpgAbout a year ago, DireMole and I discovered that Jalapeno Rubes (“jalapeño” is pronounced with a heavy J- pretend you are an ignorant hick at a Mexican restaurant) is a Somalian pirate. We really don’t know how this happened but she apparently leads a pirate crew that extends across multiple states. Her crew consists of other crazies and 4-legged misfits that have a natural disposition to wreak havoc. Though she offers protection to her closest human-friends, her pirate parties are destructive to her human-friend’s property.

After she secured her captain-ship title,  she hosted an all-expenses-paid leadership 20140702-081843-29923104.jpgdevelopment workshop at Cletus’ house. “Tootles-da-Clown” led team-building exercises that included kidnapping a Somalian fisherman and posting ransom. Also, the leadership team had to pledge their loyalties to Jalapeno Rubes by eating jalapeño peppers (pronounce “jalapeño peppers” like you have some culture and education) and successfully completing re-decorating missions to Cletus’ home. For example, Suge Knight pronounced her loyalty to Jalapeno Rubes and the pirate crew by eating not 1, but 2 jalapeño peppers. She was later promoted to Chief Interrogator, proof is in the pictures.

After the weekend retreat, Cletus’ house was re-decorated with new artwork hanging on the walls, 20140702-081840-29920540.jpgcreepy clowns hiding in cabinets, holiday reindeer lighting u20140702-081838-29918528.jpgp the rooms, glitter sparkling down from the ceiling fans, and other bizarre trinkets strategically placed around the home. Jala had no plans to put Cletus’ house back to the way she found it. In fact, Jala was proud of her leadership team’s accomplishments and wanted to show the hard work that the team put into the home makeover.  She was very hopeful that Cletus would appreciate their efforts.

Except there were lots of problems in Jala’s plan…Cletus hates creepy clowns and her husband hates turning on the ceiling fan to get doused in glitter. Also, it turns out that they weren’t excited to find 8 dead goldfish in their bathtub. Jalapeno Rubes didn’t realize she was supposed to treat the water. Rubes had good intentions… she supplied Cletus with a year supply of fish food.


Jalapeno Rubes checking on her goldfish installment.

The Welcoming Committee hanging in the garage with a note of demands.

The Welcoming Committee hanging in the garage with a note of demands.

Moral of the story, Jalapeno Rubes is not responsible  as a pet-goldfish owner but she makes a fabulous pirate captain. On another note, DireMole and SillyGoose are not to be trusted when you expect them to house- and pet- sit. A year later, Cletus and her husband have kept most of the decorations in their original place and have invited DireMole and SillyGoose to dog-sit again. What does that say about them?

Now you know the beginning of the “PirateGoat”. I haven’t come across any self-help books on “piratery” or how to successfully raise a pirate pet,  but I support my  fur-baby’s decision to “come out” as a pirate. It suits her well.



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