IMG_3262Jalapeno Rubes, the PirateGoat, picked up the poop bug this weekend. And over the past two days I have cleaned our home (non-stop) to get rid of the liquid sharts. The good news?? It hasn’t hit the bed. The bad news? Everything smells like a concoction of  disinfectant and diarrhea.

Poor pup. Her stomach is rumbling and she seems very uncomfortable. DireMole has been on walking and trash duty, even at early morning hours. And I’ve played poop-janitor. It’s been a shitty situation for everyone.

I wish there was a step-by-step guide on how to remove diarrhea from carpeted areas and successfully survive a pooping-spree. Maybe this is my calling?

Current strategy:

  1. Grab handfuls of plastic bags and a trash bag.
  2. Light a few candles to set the mood.
  3. Turn on some “happy music” (My current choice- Arcade Fire’s The Suburbs) and pretend like you haven’t succumbed to dog poop.
  4. Put on your game face!
  5. Kneel over, turn head away from poop like you are giving blood, and scoop up as much diarrhea as possible into a plastic bag.
  6. Dump that nasty bag into the trash bag.
  7. Use pet rug cleaner and saturate the stain.
  8. Bring out the heavy reinforcements with a steam cleaner and spray a 1-foot radius around poop stain(s). Suck that shit up!
  9. Take a deep breath and admire your bravery.
  10. Let dry and then sprinkle vacuum powder all over previously infected area.
  11. Let stand and then vacuum to remove stink.
  12. Air-out rug by either taking it outside or letting  fresh air into the house.
  13. Pat yourself on the back because you just schooled that dog poop.

Well, maybe this isn’t a best method for cleaning squirts. But we are surviving the pooping- spree day-by-day.


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