September Survey

running-dogWell, it’s time for the monthly round-up. September flew by and I’m really looking forward to October’s fall weather. Here’s a brief survey of what happened in our September.

Cletus: She embarked on a new chapter in life this month, Cletus is 30! To go with her new grays, Cletus dyed her hair in streaks of Violet Red or Red Violet… something like that… It looks magenta-ish and in the light it glares pink under her dirty-blond locks. I’m impressed with her bold move to symbolically “come out” to her coworkers that she’s really a super weirdo. In addition, Cletus has a Yoda-looking dog, Saty, that is seeking a forever home.

DireMole: Have you ever felt  lucky to have time to be with someone? And, wished that you would have met earlier so you could have MORE time with them??? Because that’s exactly how I feel about Dire. He’s awesome and we have a lot of fun together. We just get one another. Fitz is chugging along with his research and  has applied to many positions. Soon he’ll be a jet-setter, flying all over the country for interviews. It’s only a matter of time!

LevelUp: We brewed beer this month! A dry-hopped IPA has been bottled in our kitchen and now we are awaiting the tasty results. PirateGoat has gotten her share of dog treats from the spent grain, and so have her Pirate friends.

PirateGoat: Jalapeno Rubes had a fairly uneventful month outside of receiving two new outfits. She got a  NFL jersey to wear on game day for her favorite team, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Also, when she’s feeling festive we dress her up in her Pretty Pirate Princess (PPP) tutu. It’s a black, sparkly dress with  a skull and cross-bones logo in the middle. The tutu makes her look moronic and makes us look evil for dressing her up in such a ridiculous outfit.

SillyGoose: This month I had the pleasure to flick off a motorist who insisted on talking  on her phone while driving so she could roll over 3 pedestrians with her car. Luckily, we gave her the right away so we could remain intact. Also, I’m very pleased with my running endurance. I’ve been able to run a few long runs over an hour-long, for 6+miles. That’s the best I’ve done in years.

Right now, I’m looking forward to our trip to Portland in October and taking a break from my idiotic co-workers for a few days. Maybe I will be militant and force them to look at all my pictures and give me compliments after I get back. HEE HEE (evil laugh).



I Was Supposed to Cry. Wedding Etiquette.

Recently, my coworker married in a private, destination wedding in Hawaii. Not only was the wedding a big deal, but her traveling to Hawaii was huge. My coworker could hardly contain her excitement weeks before her trip and it became distracting.

When she originally announced that she was going to Hawaii, we were told it was for vacation. As time got closer, we learned it was for a destination wedding. And with a few weeks out, we learned that she was marrying her partner. She was afraid to share with  the office that she’s gay. I can understand her fear, because there are a lot of small minded people in our office who have been vocal on their views on homosexuality. However, due to her inability to retain her excitement, she kept telling more and more people of her real plans. I’m pretty sure that 100% of our office knows that she went to Hawaii to marry her partner.

So she goes to Hawaii for a week, vacations around the city, and gets married. Woot. Congrats! While she was out of the office, life went on and we all continued to remain unaffected by her absence.

She was back at work on Monday and  dragging. But on Tuesday it was an entirely different story. She walked in with a stack of discs and a USB in her hand. Within minutes she placed them on my desk and told me to review all of their pictures and video. To make matters worse, she stood behind me and had me watch poor footage of “swimming with dolphins” (aka, mostly scenes of blue water filmed Blair Witch-style). I watched it and politely commented. She was talking loudly enough to draw attention from other colleagues who were looking for any excuse not to work. Before you know it, my desk was the home entertainment system for watching dolphins.

After the dolphin presentation  finished, I was instructed to watch the wedding video and review the remaining wedding pictures. I completely forgot about it because, well, I was trying to work. She gently reminded me throughout the day with various instant messages asking about my opinion of their pictures. Finally, I opened up Disc 1, clicked through a handful of images and felt that a 5-year old could have photographed less blurry pictures. Whatever. I sent her a note saying that the pictures were very nice and I’m glad they had a good time. It was immediately followed with, have you seen the pictures on Disc 2? Grrr, FML… Over the course of two days I reviewed what felt like hundreds of pictures that I didn’t give a shit about.

Finally, I got to the wedding video. I watched it because I knew I was expected to give a 5-page report following the return of the USB. I’m really hoping they didn’t pay a lot for it. The audio was sloppy and quiet honestly, if they are “in love”, it wasn’t captured. They appeared as two tourists, dressed in white standing on a beach in Hawaii with a generic speech about finding love. It was very staged and they seemed robotic. With all of her anticipation prior to the wedding, I thought she was going to cry through the entire thing… not the case. It was very dry. So, I returned the USB, and again, complimented her on her experience. Her next response was, “Did you cry?” I didn’t know what I was supposed to say at this point because I was taxed from fishing for other polite responses to cover my time of watching dolphins, looking at palm trees, and  reviewing pictures of the hotel.  I responded with “No, was I supposed to?” FAIL. Apparently, in co-worker wedding etiquette, you are supposed to cry at wedding videos and explain to the bride/groom how touching it was to watch their wedding. Then blase about how much you can tell they are ‘in love‘ and that this new chapter is so fucking exciting and the flowers were beautiful AND it was $10,000 well spent to be captured in this 5 minute video.

Consequentially, a few days ago, I was looking for a music video of a song that DireMole and I like. I finally found a video, except it wasn’t of the band. It was a wedding in July of two strangers using the song as their soundtrack. And, for whatever reason, I watched it. And you know what? I lost it. I started crying and actually hid under my desk until I could get my shit together. True story. (If you watch the video, it’s when the groom sees the bride for the first time and runs to her. His face is priceless. And their embrace makes everything alright in the world. Congrats John & Allison, you guys nailed it.)

So, today I decided to watch the strangers wedding video again to see if it still moved me or if I had become desensitized after watching my coworker’s wedding video. Turns out, I choked up again. So, I’m pretty sure it’s not me. I’m not that big of a cynical bitch.

And my questions remain…

  1. If you are going on a vacation/getting married and want to share your pictures/video, can’t you just upload them with one of the many social media and web-based applications?
  2. Is it normal to be militant and force people into viewing your vacation/wedding pictures/video?
  3. Am I barking up the wrong side of the tree?
  4. Am I creepy for coming across a random wedding video and getting teary-eyed watching it?
  5. What does it say about my coworker’s video (whom I know) vs. the strangers video?
  6. Who uses discs?


Saty. Yes, that’s how it’s spelled.

IMG_3326Cletus has a new member to add to Jalapeno’s Pirate Army, Saty. Saty was delivered to Cletus and her husband’s home  because they already have too many dogs and everyone in their neighborhood just assumes all dogs belong to them. Cletus immediately began to look for Saty’s original home and family. Flyers went up, social media posts broadcasted her picture, and she had a trip with the vet for a microchip inspection. No one claimed her and all attempts have failed so far. It’s become obvious that this house-trained and sweet dog was purposely missing.

imagesWeeks have gone by and now Saty has a name that she doesn’t respond to. She was named “Saty” because Cletus thinks that she looks like a Satyr (demonic goat) from World of Warcraft. (Who plays WOW anymore???) I think she looks like Yoda. Which I’m not sure is much better on your “Geek Scale”.

I’m pretty sure that Saty is an atheist and originally from Florida. Aligar_the_TormentorI think she escaped Orange County, FL to share the Satanic Temple’s religious materials with children in other states. Cletus’ house is just a stop-over on her mission to share “The Satanic Children’s BIG BOOK of Activities“. I could be wrong, but between the Satyr and Yoda similarities, this could be the “happy medium”.

Anyway you look at it, Cletus now has 4 dogs and a ton of atheist coloring books.

Thursday Ridiculousness

On this Thursday morning, I felt like sharing one of my favorite images with you. Behold… the Cat Spaceship. Makes me laugh every time. It’s purely ridiculous and awesome.giant_floating_cat

What else is ridiculous? Sharknado. I decided to see what all the hype is about and entertained my curiosity last night. Conclusion made,  Tara Reid is worthless.

Also on my list of ridiculousness for today, is  Starboard Value’s recommendation to Olive Garden reminding them why they need to salt water for pasta. “If you Google ‘how to cook pasta’, the first step of Pasta 101 is to salt the water.” Hilarious. A pasta place not knowing how to cook pasta and an investment firm telling them what’s what. However, there is skepticism that this report is not merely snarky.


And, my last thought on ridiculousness is 2Chainz, aka Tity Boi. I’m not really sure where to begin on this subject… his fashion sense, entertainingly-dumb lyrics, or just his persona of being “different”. Anyway you look at it, it’s ridiculous. True.

Depressed Dinner

Over the past year I have decided to work my way through recipes that I have saved online for nearly 10 years…pre-Pinterest. It’s been a fun adventure AND I feel like my cooking techniques have improved. Some recipes are excellent, and if that’s the case, then they earn a spot in my 3-ringed binder and become a resident in our permanent recipe collection. If they suck, then its straight to the recycling bin and removed from my virtual folder, forever. Each week I pick out a handful of new recipes that utilize seasonal ingredients or ingredients that I can reuse for another recipe. DireMole  reviews my selections and approves if he will eat the culinary creation or not.

o-FIGS-facebookA  few weeks ago we went through this process and agreed to bake a turkey breast  stuffed with spinach and bacon. To take it up a notch, the turkey is topped with a fig and port wine sauce. By all means, this should have been an awesome dinner. How can you go wrong with figs, bacon and wine?? We had a few potatoes on hand so we whipped up mashed potatoes for the side.

Dire and I followed the directions and removed the turkey bones, flattened it out, and then rolled that turkey breast like we were a bunch of Chipotle superstars. We browned the sides and let the turkey bake while the figs simmered. It was teamwork at it’s finest, especially for a Monday night. I served dinner and arranged the food on the plate to make anyone question if I was really a 5-star chef in disguise.  Dire picked a movie so we could relax on the sofa with our fancy-pants meal.  We savored our first taste of the stuffed turkey… and my verdict? It sucked. A waste of time, flavor and ingredients. I was really excited to try this meal and it fell below expectations. However, my meat-rolling skills are worth mentioning, so I guess that’s good. Poor figs, they really deserved a better fate.

Grandma-ChefThis is still a really fun project (working through recipes) but it has its ups and downs. I’d like to think that I’m working on curating a family recipe/cookbook and one day I will pass my “tried-and-true” recipes as a coveted trophy to the most deserving family member. I want to be that grandma one day. The one that OWNs the best family dishes.

We Had The Right Away

Yesterday, I went for a short run to continue with my militant running plan. As I was running down the sidewalk, I saw two cyclists heading towards me who were also on the sidewalk. We were synchronized to cross the intersection at the same time. Obviously seeing each other in the near distance, we religiously picked our side of the sidewalk to pass. The walking sign was in our favor and we proceeded accordingly. As we approached the intersection it became clear that a small white car was not interested in slowing down into a turn to let the pedestrians cross the street. For whatever reason I decided to continue on my path. The bikers continued on as well. It was a social agreement that we saw in each others eyes… this turd of a car will have to stop or it’s taking us all out.

article-2284045-1843ECDC000005DC-712_634x781As car approached us, I saw that the driver was a girl, sporting big shades, and using one hand to hold her phone next to her head. Obviously distracted, she continued to speed up to try to beat the three of us to the intersection. And then something happened. A natural reaction kicked in and with an Olympic-like stride, I lifted my hand in an winner’s fashion and gave her the best middle finger salute one could offer. I’m not sure, but I may have included a verbal Fuck You to go with it. Which seemed appropriate for the situation. I continued with my stride and made it to the other side of the road while the one cyclist gave me a big grin that followed with a “You right, girl.” The other cyclist told me “You made my day.” The rush-hour traffic at the intersection saw my diffidence against the stupid twit driver and I think I made their day as well. I was satisfied. As I continued running I thought, “You can take the girl out of the North, but you can’t take the North out of the girl.”

OCD Vacation Paradox

How do you plan a vacation or weekend get-a-way? For me, I create a spreadsheet and put a good amount of effort into researching the destination just so I can finally relax and enjoy the experiences that I have already anticipated in my research. PortlandOldPortIt’s a control freaks idea of planning to chill. I’m anxious for our next mini-vacation because Dire and I are going to visit Portland, Maine.

So far I have put together a Google Spreadsheet with 5 columns: Date (best day to go during our visit), Destination (the attraction itself), Time Needed to Experience (Can we knock this out in an hour, half-day or full day?), Means of Travel (Do we need a car to get there?), and Notes (links to why this is a valued place of interest). The spreadsheet is scattered with links and other ideas, like pubs and restaurants. Of course, its shared with Dire so he can track my progress and add his two-cents. Even though this sounds super anal, I don’t have any intentions to stick to it perfectly. It’s more of a floating checklist that  helps me feel like we accomplished all that the place has to offer. Portland_Head_Light_Cape_Elizabeth_Maine

The best part of this spreadsheet, are my tabs! We have one sheet dedicated to our bucket list and the other tabs are places that we have been, like India, or are planning for the future, like Portland.

I’m looking forward to seeing  fall foliage, drinking tasty craft brews, visiting Cape Elizabeth, hiking and touring around town, and generally enjoying Portland. They say that the best part of a vacation is the anticipation of your trip’s itinerary, not actually experiencing it. I would like to think that my spreadsheet is a result of my excitement for travel with DireMole.


One Percent At A Time

I need to admit that I misunderstood DireMole. When he said 1% of his lifetime, he ACTUALLY meant we have only completed 1% of our lifetime together… so, whats the rush when you know you will be with this person forever? Ehhh. Epic Fail. I get it now…

Dire shared with me that he understands that I would be making a lot of sacrifices to follow him to _________. It was reassuring to hear him say that. This year will be stressful for both of us, in different ways. I’m trying to keep my mind busy with what’s at hand and in the moment. Running is one of those things that helps me to keep my mind calm and preoccupied. Whether it’s my mind or running, I need to remember to keep moving one foot in front of the other and it will get easier.

With that being said, we figured out our miscommunication and are back on track. DireMole completes me and I’m looking forward to building 1% to 100% together. We got each other and we will get through this, 1% at a time.

1% of My Life

Do you know what 1% of your life looks like? Seems like a pretty ridiculous thought, and when I try to characterize what that looks like in my life, I immediately think of  some favorite moments…swimming a championship race, traveling to India, hiking to the top of a mountain and admiring the scenery, embracing a loved one, acting like an immature idiot in college… one thought leads to another, but they all tend to be positive.

How can you qualify 1% of your life, when you haven’t finished  living?

Well, the point of this post is that DireMole told me this weekend that he wasn’t ready to commit to our relationship because I have only been in his life for 1% of his existence. Based in that short period, he isn’t able to consider us together for a lifetime.

I’ve struggled with his comment because I don’t feel the same way. With the pending departure that he may get a job in another state by next year, then what is to become of us? of him? of me? of PirateGoat? He wants me to come with him. But I can’t drop my life, my job, my friends to move to ________ with someone who really can’t commit to our relationship. That pretty much sums it up. Seems one-sided, don’t you think?

1% isn’t much. If that’s all I’m considered, I would like to think that in that sliver of 1%  it includes a few favorite moments of our lifetimes.