It drives me nuts when coworkers think that computers perform “magic”. At a touch of a button it happens… Auto-magically! It’s one thing to overhear their moronic conversations, it’s another to conversate with them about auto-magical functions.

I’ve discovered that it’s an art to try to speak to them in a language that they can relate to, and not feel alienated.

I had to talk to Cletus for a sanity check… here’s how that went:

Me: So they say “behind-the-scenes” like it’s a fucking magic show. Why can’t they say ‘backend’ when they refer to a (SQL) database?

Cletus: Well, maybe “behind the scenes” is a concept they understand. I don’t know… ‘backend’ to what? A horse’s ass?

Me: Yes, backend. A horse’s backend. We take your data and shove it up a horse’s ass. When it poops, we make reports!

Cletus: Yes, it literally shits out reports.

Me: Lit-er-ally.

Cletus: We just cram it all up there.

Me:Ā  I’m imagining a horse in a server room just shitting everywhere…

Cletus: …With its tail wagging around.

Me: It’s automagical.




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