We didn’t think she would do it… But she did.

As we were brewing beer and watching the football game, we heard yelling from outside our condo. Our first reaction was to quiet down and try to understand if the yelling was due to a football game or for help. We realized it was time to react because the noises suggested that something was very wrong.

The yelling was coming from outside, so I went outside to our condo’s balcony. I quickly realized that the yelling was coming from a visiting female on our neighbor’s balcony. She was yelling about Jesus and looked panicked. She asked me if I could come over and hug her. I told her I couldn’t make it over… since there was 9ft of space and a 25ft. drop between our balcony’s. Other neighbors were outside trying to assess the situation.

Fitz was right behind me and saw that this chick was out of her mind. Our neighbor always has girls visiting his apartment… and we rarely see the same chick twice. We’ve always been skeptical of his activities, but this is the first time we saw a girl holding the door shut and yelling for Jesus. I tried to talk to her and understand why she was upset. And before the onlookers knew it, she made a bizarre, exorcist-like movement and hauled herself over the railing. Fitz ran out of our condo to alert our womanizing neighbor that the female on his porch was threatening to jump two stories down.  Also, the neighbor above the womanizer’s apartment came running down to alert him that the girl was over the railing. As the two guys confronted our next-door neighbor about the situation that he seemed oblivious of, I continued to monitor the girl. Yep that’s right. Half a dozen people came outside to help this girl, except for the guy who’s apartment she was in… and his other guest.  She was hanging from the railing and quickly loosing her grip. I started yelling “Help, someone help” and other ramblings that came out too fast before I could think. She lost her grip and fell.  During her fall she hit the below neighbor’s balcony and knocked his plants off the ledge. Her fall resembled someone hitting their head on the diving board, except remove the pool of water and replace it with leaf-covered ground. Her body was laid out on the ground like a crime scene victim. I ran to find Fitz and alert him that she was down.0

Fitz came inside our condo and I grabbed the phone to call 911. As I was on the phone, Fitz told me to stay inside and he locked the doors. I stayed by the window to keep an eye on the situation. Then, she got up. Yep, she fell 25ft and started making moves. It was nutty. She had lost a shoe and her pants had slid down exposing her buttocks. She picked up her wig and in a very disoriented fashion made her way to the fence. She miraculously climbed the fence and made it to the sidewalk where she stumbled around. Her pants were still down and she placed her wig on her head while wandering around. I guess putting on the blond wig was more important than covering up the lady-parts. But who am I to judge? It didn’t seem that she realized what happened and the commotion caused by her leap of fate. By this time, the host of the apartment she was previously visiting, proceeded to throw the rest of her belongings over the balcony. Classy. He and a male friend (apparently another neighbor that I had never seen before) abruptly left the scene. They claimed the girl was nuts and  knew nothing about her erratic behavior. As I gave the details to the emergency operator, the fire department arrived. By this time, the girl had climbed over the fence again and was back on the property. It appeared that the firemen had herded her back to her original landing spot. As they questioned her, I gave details to the emergency operator. The ambulance and the cops arrived and shut down the street temporarily. The fire department left and seemed relieved to hand this one over to the paramedics.

I got off the phone and Fitz and I just looked at each other baffled. Like WTF, did that just happen? We were surprised and relieved that the girl was ok. As we debriefed about the situation, one question remained on our minds … what the heck was going on at our neighbor’s place at 5pm on a Sunday that caused this girl to leave from the balcony and not the front door? It was really an upsetting experience.

The cops didn’t stay too long and didn’t seem interested to meet the resident of the condo who just had a girl fall from the balcony. All that remained was the ambulance. We awaited its departure as we resumed our brewing process. But the ambulance didn’t leave… instead, the doors opened and the girl came traipsing out the back. This time she was dressed, wig and all, and used a bed sheet to cover her exposed arms. She and a paramedic were back on the scene with a flash light searching for something… After 30mins of searching for her belongings, the ambulance drove away and left her on the sidewalk with her new bed sheet. Am I the only one who thinks that this is getting even nuttier? Why didn’t they haul her away?

I was worried about her. I didn’t care if she was on drugs or whatever the situation was… she just fell from two stories and wasn’t dressed to be outside on a cold evening. I yelled down and asked her if she was ok. She informed me that she was looking for her phone and couldn’t find it. I asked her if she needed a sweatshirt or a coat, because I was worried about her condition. She wasn’t interested… all she wanted was her phone. She asked me if it was on our neighbor’s balcony. Sure enough,  it was sitting perfectly on the edge. She wanted me to go get it or to get her a ladder so she could retrieve it. I’m not sure why she thought there was a 20 foot ladder lying around or that I could fly over to the balcony… but I did tell her that we would try to contact our neighbor and the two of them could handle it. Though I was concerned that maybe our neighbor was the original threat to her…  I kept asking if she was OK and if I could help her. Meanwhile, the womanizing neighbor was still hiding from the cops and not home. But the rest of the joining-walled neighbors were still outside trying to figure out what the heck was going on. The jumper asked me if I could drive her somewhere. I told her we were working on getting her phone by contacting our neighbor, and that I had been drinking all day (I mean we were brewing) and unable to drive. She was worried that we were calling the cops and not her previous party-host. I reassured her the cops weren’t going to be back due to us. She continued to wander around outside with the bed sheet and I decided to go back inside.

Within a few minutes there was a knock on our door… it was our womanizing neighbor. Yay, he returned! Fitz informed him that his guest was outside, looking for her phone, and that her phone was on his balcony. We left it at that, went back to brewing, cracked open another beer to calm our nerves and to watch the rest of the football game. The last thing I saw was our neighbor driving off in his car.

I don’t understand the entire situation and I’m sure I never will. However,  I know that I will never forget the sight of a person deciding to fall from a balcony. That was some scary shit.


2 thoughts on “We didn’t think she would do it… But she did.

  1. Pingback: January Jam | Champions of the Human Race

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